I'm just sitting here, waiting for the paper boy to bring me some good news.

After letting me down, a friend of mine once told me she thought she was the reason why I had lost my faith in humanity.

I still think about that statement even today.

I wonder, did she not want to be the source? Did she not want to be the reason why? Was she saying this and acting that for selfish purposes? She didn't want the burden? Or did she strictly not want me to lose my faith, and selfish concern was thrown out the window?

Have I lost my faith in humanity? I don't care much for that question. I don't know why.

Thoughts while in a coma-like state

Once we jumped off the boat and into the jungle,
We cranked up the volume and marched to our own drummer.

Many nasty things could await me.
Noise discipline had to be maintained.
Sounds carried incredibly far in the jungle.
Had it been heard by any bad boys?

Suddenly my brain screamed - "Stop!"
And my right leg froze in mid-air,
and my heart slammed in my throat.

The next few seconds took forever...

My hands were shaking,
and my nervous system was in some kind of shock.
Then, silence got blown apart.

Masochist by Pendulum

Ode to Joy

Quick 3 step guide to happiness:

1. Remove all of the aspects of your life which make you unhappy.
   
2. Stick to what you know.
   
3. Mind your own business.

Learn from my mistakes.

Now if you listen closely, I'll tell you what I know

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don’t believe I’m wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can’t use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They’ve got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I’ll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
‘Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone by Maya Angelou

Show the demoralization of mankind

I began some small talk with the girl who used to work the cash register at the closest Safeway. As she scanned my things, I made a daring compliment of romantic nature. Startled, she said it was a sweet gesture and gave me a nervous smile. Her cute and timid behavior sparked something inside me that I haven't felt in weeks. I asked her if she would like to go for ice cream with me. She claimed to have a boyfriend.

I haven't had the nerve to ask anyone out since. The rejection has been a numbing pain... I wonder, as I lay in bed, when will I grow out of this Hollywood-like behavior? At what point will I grow out of this hopeless romantic stage in my life?

What will bring my courage back?