Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I sent the girl I'm falling for this link with the hope that she might one day realize everything without real words being exchanged.

Fears: Ranked from childhood through parenthood

1. Fear of the dark

Under the bed.
Inside the closet.
Between leap and landing (floor to bed).
(Related) Long arm reaching out from under bed.

2. Fear of separation

Lost in a crowd (accidental).
Lost in a crowd (on purpose).
Lost in the woods (either).

3. Fear of abandonment

Parents dying.
Parents divorcing.
One parent moving.
Parents remarrying.

4. Fear of wicked stepparent
5. Fear of pee accidents

In school.
In bed.
In friend’s bed.

6. Fear of bras

Needing one.
Not needing one.
Anyone looking closely enough to know.

7. Fear of menstrual period

Getting it.
Not getting it.
Surprise attack.

8. Fear of embarrassment

Wrong clothes.
Wrong hair.
Wrong glasses.
Wrong body.
Wrong mother.

9. Fear of Getting Pregnant
10. Fear of rejection

By friends.
By boyfriend.
By colleges.

11. Fear of being found out
12. Fear of not getting work

Not paying student loans.
Not paying bills.

13. Fear of selling out

Deserting dreams.
Embracing capitalism.

14. Fear of the dark (continued)

Parking lots at night.
Deserted streets at night.
Apartments at night.
Houses at night.
Bedrooms at night.

15. Fear of rejection (continued)

By lovers.
By bosses.
By friends.

16. Fear of being unloved
17. Fear of being unlovable
18. Fear of having married the wrong person
19. Fear of not getting pregnant
20. Fear of mortality

Parents’ mortality.
Spouse’s mortality.
Signs of mortality.
Cancer.

21. Fear of childbirth
22. Fear of losing a child

To crib death.
To falling down stairs.
To a head injury.
To bathtub.
To a bicycle accident.
To a car accident.
To a playground accident.
To a freak accident.
To pneumonia.
To cancer.
To a thousand kinds of cancer.
To a pedophile.
To a kidnapper.
To a babysitter.
To a stranger.
To a tick bite.
To a bad heart.
To thin ice.
To a swimming pool.
To falling rocks.
To drugs.
To gun violence.
To poor judgment.
To sport.
To a dare.
To driving.
To driving drunk.
To heartbreak.
To childbirth.

Jan Pettit

We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are

...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought.
Albert Einstein

I found out from a myspace bulletin that a childhood friend I had crushed on for nine years hung herself from a swing set in a local park.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Today I realised I'll never be the same.

Even though I don't mind being alone, I sometimes get engulfed with wonderful memories of the past.


I realize what I must do, I understand what will get me out of this, yet there is something within myself that stops me. I know my potentials, I know what I can do, yet I just let myself slowly slip down the hole. I hope that there is something within myself that'll help me out of it.