Sunday, July 13, 2008

I have nothing to say (I have so much, so, so much inside).

I was lying in bed. I felt the soft vibrations against my pillow from the music humming out of my computer. The lights were off, my eyes were closed.

Time ticks slowly by. Ticks, ticks. What time is it now? Does it matter? I'm still here.

I'm crushed. I detest reality. My mind was racing. When will my dreamworld come alive? Thinking about it surely won't make it come any quicker. Ticks, ticks, ticks.

I wish that I could forever live in the book of my own writing. Ah, the loveliness. I just can’t wait for my life to wane into darkness and oblivion. I will be forgotten soon, make no mistake.

Suddenly, I felt something echoing in the room. I tried to focus. I felt a swollen pulse breathing life into my ears. Is that my heart?

Why do you enter my mind every night? Do I want you, do I want you? Ticks, ticks, ticks. I know when I see you again I'll be torn apart.

I jumped from situation to situation through my mind. How could I have done this better, where was my mistake here, was this the best choice? Vanish, vanish, I say! Thinking of you won't do me any good. Do I need any good? I raise my head and readjust the pillow, seeking a colder, more refreshing side.

I know how the world treats you. I wish I could take the pain away. I wonder if you ever wish these same miracles for me. Does it matter, though? Ticks; the clocks, they tick. A bad day only leaves me more time to sulk in my own grief. More time well spent, I say.

The shadows of the morning began to age inside my room. Another night spent up. Another night thinking. I detest reality, dreamworld. Where are you? I'm so hurt inside. All I can hope is that you remember me.
By Calvin


Liv Grey said...

ahh, i feel this way all the time!
its 4AM and ive felt that way all night...
waiting for "the shadows of the morning beginning to age" the line.

Calvin said...

:) Thanks for the comment!