Of everything I've accomplished and everything I'm capable of, the only things I've ever wanted will only exist in my head.

I have great potential that I will likely never reach; my brilliance will go to waste. The smallest failures frustrate me greatly and cause me to loose sight of what is important. I have doubts about everything - I lie and claim I do not. I day dream about what it would be like to be someone else.

I walked a circle around town today holding onto nothing. I had no idea where I was going, only where I had been.

That was my morning.

I decided to do something today, so I went to a party. I don't like the party atmosphere because I feel as if I have nothing to contribute. I don't enjoy much of anything that goes on - most of the activities actually irritate me or stand against my values. So I stood to the side remaining a ghost.

Occasionally while walking around it would get crowded, so I would let people go first ahead of me all the time. I figured I wasn't going anywhere.

People approached me and I approached people, eventually leading to awkward conversations about current events and ridiculous happenings. Throughout all of the conversations I had a single thought burrowing in my mind: I wonder what my life and mind will be like when I'm 80.

That was my day.

Fifteen minutes ago, while everyone else was sleeping or partying, I was sitting outside planning my life for my future kids.

I sit outside and think, then come inside and write. Sometimes, I look into my screen and my depth perception goes away and I lose the sensation of where I am sitting. Even when I am not searching or looking or typing. Just sitting.

That was my night.

I'm out of my mind.