I am so tired...

A poem which attempts to explain what it feels like to live a life without anyone there with you - whether it be physical or mental presence. Is there anyone out there who truly can see what I see?

I am tired...

Tired of always being alone.
Of not having anyone to love.
Tired of not having anyone to talk to.
More tired of not having anyone to listen to.

I am tired of not being able to laugh,
to really laugh and to giggle like a fool.
Tired of not having anyone to laugh with.
Tired of wearing this painted smile of a clown.

Tired of always being Rick of Rick’s Café
And never being Victor.
Tired of finding diaries and realizing that
they are not written about me, but someone else.

Tired of always fighting for what is right.
Right prevails -- but I ultimately lose
all of the important things
that were right for me.

I am tired of hope that is always deferred.
My heart grows sicker waiting and hoping
for simple things that will never be.
The wait for nothing to happen is excruciating.

I have cared about everyone in my life.
Even cared about and for strangers in need.
I am so tired of being left behind and forgotten.
My heart has grown weary and sick.
Tired that no one cares about me.

I am tired of pouring my heart out in poetry.
Poetry that is never read by those it’s written for.
Poetry that sits in a dusty box on a basement shelf.
Words of love written in vain, words disguising
all of my intense inner pain.

I am just tired of being lonely.
Tired of living in memories and tired of weeping.
I am tired of looking at the stars and wishing upon them
and never getting my wishes, even though they are so small.

Tired of caring,
tired of loving,
tired of waiting,
tired of the deafening silence...

I am so tired...

I'm Tired