I'm a confused human being.

I was pretty popular in high school, I had small friendships with just about everybody, but people always thought I was a little odd. I had a dark streak in me and not many people got it. I never bothered to explain myself to them - not like they would listen, anyways. They would never ask, either. So they never understood me.

I hated all my friends. I hated all their spoiled rich asses. They knew they were pretty and wealthy and had it handed to them on a silver platter. And they just smiled and asked for more.

...

Because of thoughts like this, I get the idea that I'm an asshole. A stronger person wouldn't judge, wouldn't compare his strengths or weaknesses to others. Wouldn't think worse of a person because of what they do or what they have.

But, I hated all of their rich spoiled asses. So I guess I'm not a stronger person. That was in high school, though. I've forgiven them since. I look at people in a new way, now.

The people of today, the people I see on a daily basis, don't know what I think about them because I'm always pretending to be upbeat. I always pretend that I'm smiling. I mean, sometimes I am. Sometimes I'm just like those asshole friends in high school, just smiling along being ignorant about it all. But not when I have my guard up. Not when I'm not being ignorant about my surroundings. The people around me today see what I want them to see. I keep all of my thoughts to myself because I know I'm better than to share them. I'm not the kind of person to go explaining to people why I don't like them, or what I do like about them. To point out their faults, imperfections or strengths. I just let them live their life, make their mistakes, do what they want to do, and I don't judge them about it. Secretly, yes, I do make judgments. But I don't verbalize them. I don't show any of my thoughts. Because I don't want to hurt these people. I really try not to hurt them. Sometimes I make mistakes, but that's only sometimes.

My real thoughts about them? I actually like them. All. I like who they are as people. I respect their involvement in my life and often encourage them to continue. I don't, however, always respect what they do. Often times what they do is exactly what I don't like. But I still like these people. I like them all.

How can I come from the feeling one of the strongest of human emotions - hatred - for my fellow peers and move from that and go to appreciation and respect? Am I a better - stronger - person, now?