As I stood outside watching my breath merge with the cold air and starlight, I realized that she might never need me as much as I need her to need me.

I know what is most important to me right now. I know what I hold dearest. I know what means something in my life. I know what means everything. And I would do all that is in my power to hold onto that. I want to make your dreams come true; to give your fantasies, your hopes, your wishes, those which are quiet and those which are screaming, life. The things the past hasn't been able to give you or let you have, the things which seem so graspable yet are despairingly difficult to reach, I want to bring to you. I've seen the sadness in your eyes from the past and I don't want to cause any of it. I want to prevent it as much as I can. But when you are swept over with the disease which is sadness, I want to be the cure. I want to be the blanket which warms you, cozies you, the blanket which you look forward to so much to wrap around you in front of that fireplace on a cold, lonesome night. I want to be the dimness in the lights, the reflection in the puddle; I want to be the color in the evening sky, the magic which makes your heart soar. The world is full of sparkles and excitement and joy and everything I want when I know you are smiling; I want to do and be everything which brings you that smile. Nothing makes me happier than to see you happy.

But I'm beginning to wonder, when I compare what I would do in your shoes to what you are doing in them, what makes you happiest.